The first thing Brian pointed out on the menu was Lasagna Egg Rolls. What?

I ordered iced tea and the waiter gave me four choices: sweet, unsweet, raspberry or green. Wow... I like a lot of choices (as long as they have one that I like). I chose unsweet, and it was good.

The second thing Brian pointed out on the menu was a $50 steak. What?

When the waiter brought our beverages, he asked if we were ready to order. "Not yet," we replied. He said that in a few minutes, when we were ready to order, he would tell us what they were out of. What?

He said they were closing in a couple of days and that he had just been told. Ouch. Given this news, we didn't know how the food would turn out because, as Brian said, "The chef is probably back there angry and drunk."

We ordered the Lasagna Egg Rolls because how can you not? They were pretty good. The outside was crispy like a good egg roll should be and the inside was mostly ground beef with a little bit of white cheese. They came with a marinara sauce that I mistook for salsa. I guess I wanted one more level of fusion. Reflecting back, I think salsa would have been good.

Brian and I both ordered the fish and chips. Brian said it was a good thing we ordered the same thing because then one of us wouldn't be jealous when the other's meal was better with no chance of coming back to order it another time.

There's something naughty about that picture.

I didn't like the fries (battered curly fries, yuck), but I loved the fish. Unfortunately, it was the best fried fish I've ever had in Austin. Goodbye best fried fish in Austin. Brian likes the fish at Dog and Duck Pub better.

The waiter brought us a bottle of malt vinegar, and Brian said I should make that Peachy Chicken recipe on the back of the bottle. He said it's got to be good because it's been on that bottle ever since he was a kid.

We got a slice of Tiramisu and it was pretty good with a rich espresso bottom. Just like I like my bottoms.

We asked the waiter to bring us the check, and he said, "Oh no... take your time." We didn't want to take our time. He brought it and we were pleased to see that instead of charging us for 2 fish and chips, he charged us for 1 fish and chip and 1 Red's pastrami sandwich ($3 cheaper than the fish and chips).

We wish the staff at Meltzer's good luck with whatever the future brings.

Upon arrival, we noticed a Frida Kahlo portrait. She has black animals on her shoulders. At first we thought they were cats, but then they started to look like monkeys and bears.

We ordered the guacamole because Brian had seen it before and remembered it looked good. The menu said it had micro cilantro in it, and we both agreed that big cilantro is just fine, but we would try it anyway. It came with yucca chips and plantain chips. We already had some tortilla chips, so there was a variety of chippage. We thought this guacamole was better than the guacamole they serve at Cantina Laredo even though they don't make it table side.

Brian ordered the Torta Ahogada. It has carnitas and beans (usually black beans, but today it had refried). It also usually comes smothered in ranchero and verde sauces, but Brian asked for the sauces on the side to make it easier to eat. Here's a picture I took the last time we went with the sauces all over it. It makes for a beautiful sandwich if it weren't so messy to eat.

I ordered the Carnitas Tacos with crispy carnitas, Oaxaca cheese (for those Oaxacan Daredevils out there) and avocado. Fantastic! Both times I've had these marvels, there has been a bonus piece of plastic (like from a wrapper) in one of the tacos. But they're so good it hasn't put me off. I wonder if the plastic gets grated with the cheese.

Early in the visit to Zandunga, a song came on overhead that made me smile. Even when I didn't want to, I smiled. And Brian smiled. Not knowing what it was, I launched the Shazam app on my iPhone. Shazam told me it was Manu Chao's "Homens." Shazam is amazing and "Homens" is a silly, fun song about men.

Speaking of men, every other time we went to Zandunga, there was a waiter there named Conrad. The first time we went, Brian said Conrad was richly scented (in a good way). I kept forgetting to smell him, though.

Zandunga Mexican Bistro gets the Lunch with Brian seal of approval.

It's not that it was horrible. Just that there are so many better places to eat lunch. Cafe Express might be good if you're at Seton for the day visiting a sick relative, and you want to take a walk at lunch and not eat hospital food. But that's assuming Seton's food is bad, and I (thankfully) haven't been there in years, so I can't say.

Brian and I both got dishes with chicken and fettucine alfredo, but Brian's had peas and mushrooms and mine had walnuts. I also got garlic bread. None of the food held heat, though. Tepid meal not mmmmm.

As we were getting up to leave, I saw two guys in Cafe Express attire coming toward our table, presumably to clear it. I reached down to turn the frowny relish face into a smiley relish face, but I dropped the sun-dried tomato before I could turn it upside down. They saw it, and one of the guys looked at me and said "Really" in the way that the last syllable goes down instead of up. I replied, "Yes, really."

Brian ordered an iced americano. It was topped with a white chocolate covered espresso bean. I ordered an iced mocha. Mine was topped with a dark chocolate covered espresso bean.

Brevita had a trivia question posted on the window: What Beatles song did not hit #1? A) I am the Walrus. B) Lady Madonna. C) Yesterday. D) Ticket to Ride. I won't tell you the answer in case it's posted another day. Brian guessed and was wrong. Sarah arrived and made her guess, but was wrong. I overheard the guy in the window tell her the answer, which made it a slam dunk for me. I got 25 cents off my drink.

Gourdoughs is in a classic silver airstream trailer.

They have over 20 items on their menu, but you can mix and match ingredients to make your own. Sarah and Brian had already ordered while I was still looking at the menu. I wanted something with meat on it, but I also wanted another that was pure dessert. Not wanting to appear gluttonous unless someone else was gluttonous, I asked Sarah what she ordered. Funky Monkey. Just one donut... hmmmmm. I asked Brian what he ordered. Mother Clucker and Blue Balls. Two items... yes!! So I ordered the Mother Clucker and the Dirty Berry.

Funky Monkey - Grilled Bananas & Cream Cheese Icing with Brown Sugar

Mother Clucker - Fried Chicken Strip with Honey Butter
Blue Balls - Blueberry Filling and Blue Icing

Mother Clucker
Dirty Berry - Fudge Icing with Grilled Strawberries

Jamie Oliver would be appalled.

When you order, Gourdoughs doesn't just pull a donut from a stack of premade donuts and top it with decadent ingredients. They make each donut fresh. The inside texture is light and looks flaky like fish. The outside texture is crisp until whatever goo on top softens it. Brian suggested they make a fish and chips donut with malt vinegar butter.

There is a gated area between Gourdoughs and Odd Duck. Brian speculated that it is a Foie Gras pen where Odd Duck buries ducks up to their necks to prepare them for foie grasing. Sarah said, "Underground, no one can hear you quack."

When Brian slipped off to do some Brian business, Sarah told me about Quinceaneras, traditional coming of age ceremonies for fifteen year old girls. The subject came up because of a billboard above the trailer court showing a girl with a shoulder pom adorned with giant, clear push pins.

We enjoyed spending lunch with Sarah and hope to do it again soon. Until then, see what Sarah's Totes McGoat is up to. She's got new art supplies!

We were seated at one of the small tables which is a challenge because the food we like is usually served in several containers. The sun was shining directly on our table through the skylight making it the brightest table in the room. Brian said it was the brightest table in the room both in intelligence and light. Not long after, Carly Simon sang "You're so Vain" from the the overhead speakers.

Speaking of "You're so Vain," I think "I bet you think this song is about you" is high on the cleverest lyrics list. Brian thinks "So your horse naturally won" from the same song is also clever since Warren Beatty's horse was named "Naturally." Oh, that Carly Simon.

There was a guy with a Beer Police t-shirt. It said "You have the right to remain silent while I drink your beer." Another guy had an Oklahoma t-shirt on. He had a high pitched laugh that sounded like a girl.

We ordered cheese fries (waffle fries with cheese, bacon, chives and sour cream) as an appetizer. Brian ordered a chicken fried dog (deep fried, battered hot dog with sausage gravy). I ordered a chili cheese dog (pretty self-explanatory) and chocolate covered bacon. The waitress asked if I wanted all the food to come out together, and I requested that the cheese fries come first and the rest come out together. As lunch played out, though, the cheese fries arrived last. We decided it's probably a good idea to order in waves there to ensure food comes out in the correct order.

Brian asked for extra sour cream for the cheese fries because they were a little stingy with that. They were also stingy with the bacon and chives, but we let that go.

Overall, lunch was good, and the tea refill service was perfect. From our table, I had a view of the tallest residential tower west of the Mississippi and Brian had a view of two waiters in jorts. Brian said one of the waiters' jorts were more tasteful than those on the jorts web site.

Since we weren't very hungry, neither of us had a natural craving for anything, so we just started driving to see where we would end up.

Heading north on The Drag, Brian suggested Drungo's Ice House near the UT campus. We found a deserted building and a sign that said it will reopen as a place called Jax. Poop.

On the road again, we found ourselves at Food Heads for sandwiches. I ordered the sirloin chimichurri torta, and Brian ordered the roast beef and brie on a baguette. Both sandwiches were tasty. Brian's came with thinly sliced pickles on the side. He approved. I forgot to ask for the potato salad that I like so much, but still enjoyed the cole slaw.

While we ate, Brian thumbed through a Cook's Illustrated magazine. I looked at the pictures. Some of the pictures showed what perfectly whipped egg whites and chocolate mousse look like. My favorite illustration showed how to repair a cracked cheesecake with a ribbon and a binder clip. Chef McGuyver would be proud.

On the way back to the office, I spotted a yard sign posted for a roommate. I doubt it will be effective, though, because it was painted on cardboard with dripping red paint that looked like blood. Ewwww.

Another staff member took us upstairs to our table. Brian said something to her as she seated us, and she replied, but her reply didn't make any sense. When Brian asked for clarification, she indicated that she wasn't talking to him, but was talking to someone else through a wireless device she was wearing. Luckily, our waiter didn't have a communication device, so the rest of the visit was interruption free.

On our previous visit, we asked for information about their menu item, Chicken Rikki. The waitress said it was chicken with rikki sauce, but couldn't give us more details without asking the chef, but then never got back to us. Brian's curiosity was piqued, so he ordered it this time. Sarah and I like to call it Chicken Rikki Tikki Tavi, but Brian likes to call it Chicken Rikki Don't Lose That Number. He was hoping it would have a hidden slip of paper in it with Donald Fagan's phone number. It didn't.

Sarah and I ordered the lunch pork chop with extra sides of fried asparagus, and macaroni and cheese.

We had a place set for Hunt, but he sent a message to say he was in a meeting that was running late and couldn't make it. Who schedules a meeting so close to lunch time, anyway?

We missed Hunt, but enjoyed listening to Sarah talk about her recent trip to San Antonio when she stayed at El Tropicano Hotel where they have toucans named Ricky and Lucy.

They brought our food, and I noticed they were carving one of the pork chops. They'd never done that before, and I was resisting change that day, so I asked if they would leave my pork chop intact. Sarah was okay with having hers carved, so it worked out well.

The Rikki sauce on Brian's chicken was tasty, and the dish was garnished with onion rings. Brian said they were so light, that it was like eating crunchy, onion flavored air.

The chops were delicious as usual, and both extra sides were keepers. The waiters didn't explain the anatomy of the pork chop like they usually do, but that's okay because Hunt created the following diagram to help.

If someone asked "What kind of food does Frank serve?", one might answer "fancy hot dogs." But that doesn't adequately describe a menu that includes hummus, portobello cheesesteak and chilled pasta salad. It's difficult to boil Frank down with a few words.

Frank dedicates a section of the menu to waffle fries. Sarah ordered the Canadian waffle poutine as an appetizer to share. That's waffle fries with cheese curds and brown gravy. Brian asked for an extra bowl of gravy. After a mouthful of waffle fries and cheese curds, Brian droned, "Mmmmmm... cheesy business."

For those keeping track, my fork was not flat today, but Sarah's knife had some leftovers from a previous meal. Public service announcement: Always check your utensils for leftovers.

Sarah and I ordered simple chili cheese dogs, and Brian ordered a more complex Carolina Pork It. Brian's dog was 100% Vienna beef stuffed with cheese, wrapped in bacon and deep fried, topped with grilled coleslaw and house made green chile pimento cheese. He said the cole slaw made it challenging to eat. Sarah described it as trying to fit an octopus into a pet carrier.

For dessert, Brian and Sarah shared bananas foster and chocolate covered bacon, and I had a slice of chocolate covered bacon. Everything was delicious, and Sarah got her daily requirement of potassium. At one point, Brian was eating the bananas foster sauce like soup.

We didn't try the Whoopie Pie (sweet, creamy frosting sandwiched between two mounds of housemade chocolate cake), but we wondered if it made a farting noise when sat upon. An experiment for another day.

We enjoyed our lunch, and it's always wonderful to visit with Sarah. Brian and I encourage you to visit Sarah's site, That's a Girl's Car to see her hand drawn comic strip "Totes McGoat," a crime-fighting hipster hero.

Lunch with Brian at Frank sponsored by Sarah and her $20 groupon. Thank you, Sarah!

Another typical problem with Chuy's is that it's so darn loud. Entering by the back door, we had to walk through the front room where we observed a collection of mommas and babies that threatened to make our visit today quite loud. But the host walked us to the back room which never reached the decibal level of past visits, even after the tables filled up.

Elton John proclaimed that Saturday night is alright for fighting as Travis, our waiter, brought us chips and salsa. I asked for a small bowl of creamy jalapeno sauce as an alternative to the salsa. It's like ranch dressing with finely chopped jalapenos. Brian said Chuy's has chips and salsa down.

Chuy's has a fascination with Elvis, yet I couldn't find anything with peanut butter on the menu. Then again, peanut butter doesn't really go with Tex Mex. That would make it Thai Mex and that takes a licking and keeps on ticking. Ba doomp boomp.

The special of the day was Green Chili Chicken Taquitos. I ordered that and Brian ordered the Appetizer Plate with nachos, queso, taquitos and quesadillas. His was only a dollar more than mine, and he seemed to have more substantial food than my taquitos with sides of beans and rice. That's okay, though; my dish filled me up nicely.

My fork was almost flattened which was odd because the fork I got at Polvo's the day before was almost flattened, too. Will I get a flattened fork on our lunch outing at Frank tomorrow? Check back.

Travis was a great waiter, and even offered to split the check for us. We were impressed with the food, service and noise level this trip and will likely go back another day.

We were the first customers of the day and were seated at my favorite table next to the fish tank. They take good care of their fish tank and the fish seem happy.

The waiter asked us what we would like to drink, and then noticed my St. Patrick's Day pin and beads. He said that he forgot it was St. Patrick's Day and didn't wear green. I had a couple of strands of beads, so I offered him one. Grinning from ear-to-ear, he thanked me with a bow and put the beads around his neck. It seemed like I made his day. And making his day made my day.

Brian ordered F11 with beef and extra spice. It's flat rice noodles with a garlic sauce. I ordered G4 with chicken. It's bean thread noodles (transparent, rubbery noodles) with peanuts, cilantro and dried onion in a spicy lime sauce. Both dishes are served with lettuce salad on the side. And both rate "way yum."

While we were there, we listened to one of the local radio stations over the sound system. First up was Tom Petty. Brian thinks Tom Petty is butt ugly. I asked him to compare Petty with Gary Busey, and Brian said they used to be the same level of ugly, but that Busey has surpassed Petty in ugly now.

We also heard Cher's "Believe" and Brian said he loves to sing along with that song because of the the echoey, autotuney goodness.

Stevie Nicks and Don Henley "Leather and Lace"d us and Sheryl Crow told us that all she wanted to do was have some fun. (Hey Sheryl... we already know... Cyndi Lauper told us that 10 years earlier). Speaking of Cyndi Lauper and Cher, Brian went to a Cher concert one time and Cyndi Lauper was supposed to play, too, but she had broken her leg and didn't perform. I guess that proves that "the show must go on" doesn't happen if you literally "break a leg."

We also heard a commercial for an upscale car dealership in Austin with a lady doing the voiceover. Brian said he doesn't like that lady's voice and pictures her with deep, dark red hair and breast implants, smoking a pack a day.

After the meal, we went next door to Terra Burger for ice cream. They have some of the best chocolate ice cream in town. It has little chocolate bits in it and is served in a cup that says, "Caution: Contents Hot."

Enoteca's dessert selection is so good that the last time we lunched with Jennifer there, Jennifer and I got dessert first.

We were a little worried we'd run into the South by Southwest crowd, but found that our 10 to 11:00 lunch schedule helped us beat the crowds.

For an appetizer, we ordered the Patate Fritte, or in bubba-speak: french fries. After a short discussion, Brian and I declared them the best french fries in Austin. They're coated in grana padano (some kind of cheese, I think) and parsley (which I keep accidentally calling paisley and might continue to purposefully call it paisley because paisley is cool). The fries are served in a cone shaped, metal basket with lemon aioli on the side.

Brian ordered one of the daily specials, a pressed panini sandwich with some froo froo ham and carmelized onions on pain au lait (bread made with milk instead of water). Brain liked it. I sampled it and loved the texture of the bread.

I ordered the Maiale Saltimbocca, but instead of calling it that, I read part of the description, "pork scaloppine," because I didn't know how to say the title. I find reading the menu at Enoteca difficult because there are so many words I've never seen before -- literary speed bumps, so to speak.

The pork scaloppine came with sauteed spinach and the entire meal exceeded my expectations. I found myself wanting to lick the plate after I finished the food. Brian suggested I scoop up the lemon butter with one of the few leftover french fries instead, and that worked out well and saved Brian the embarrassment of sitting with plate-licking lunch patron.

At one point, Brian headed off to the restroom where he found wine bottles embedded in the walls. While he was gone, I overheard this statement by a woman who had just entered and hugged her friend: "You smell clean. It's intimidating. In a good way."

I quoted the woman to Brian when he got back, and neither of us could wrap our heads around her statement.

After the meal, Brian ordered a couple of vanilla cookie sandwiches with an Italian cream center which he called Caucasian Oreos. I ordered Jennifer's Tiramisu and a cream cheese brownie for myself.

It's hard to get out of Enoteca for under $20, so we don't go very often, but we've never been disappointed.

Taverna is in downtown Austin, catty corner from city hall. Kitty corner? kat-a-korner? Whatever.

We were the first to arrive and the host said we could sit anywhere we liked. Brian picked a table by the window where we could watch a workman welding the new "W" hotel together.

They have a lunch menu (PDF) with fairly reasonable prices (for an upscale italian neighborhood restaurant). There are several dishes centering around risotto and another several with various pastas. I ordered the Paglia e Fieno, which is thin pasta with chicken, wild mushrooms and a truffle oil and cream sauce. I mentioned to Brian that I was a little worried that it would be rubbery chicken, but he'd been there before and assured me it would be good chicken.

Brian got the Fettucine Frutti di Mare. I think because he wanted to say "Frutti." It had fettucine with shrimp, mussels, clams and scallops in a brandy crustacean cream sauce.

While we waited for our food, Brian took off-kilter pictures of the restaurant. Here's one of the bar area where we could watch food porn on the TV. God bless Paula Dean.

Here's another of the kitchen.

They serve focaccia bread with a small bowl of olive oil and vinegar. The vinegar is already poured into the olive oil, and it's great fun trying to get the vinegar to stick to the bread with the oil. The bread is wonderful like a light pizza crust covered with parmesan cheese.

The food arrived, and much to my relief, the chicken in my pasta wasn't rubbery. We both enjoyed our entrees. Brian asked about dessert, and they had the standard italian fare: panna cotta, chocolate cake, tiramisu, creme brulee. We didn't get any, but I'm sure it would be as fabulous as everything else.

After lunch, we went next door to "Jo's Hot Coffee" where neither of us got hot coffee. Brian got iced coffee, and I got an iced mocha. My only complaint about the mocha is that the whipped cream was really whipped topping from a can. I scraped it off in an immature fit.

We enjoyed our lunch at Taverna. Here's an off-kilter picture of Brian at Taverna.

There's a store called the Fallas store in the same shopping center, and Brian says that no store in Texas should ever be called the Fallas store.

Brian and I usually go to lunch at 10:50 to beat the crowds, and we arrived at Amaya's at about 11:10. It was already crowded, though, because the breakfast crowd was still there. It's good to go early anyway because if you arrive much later, you have to wait for a table.

We got right in and started studying the menu. The Mexican plate looked good to me with a taco, enchilada, tamale, rice and beans. Brian ordered the Deluxe dinner which is the same except with an added chalupa.

When we ordered, the waitress asked us many questions. Things like "Do you want onions on that?" and "Beef, chicken or cheese enchilada?" and "Beef or chicken taco?" and "Red or green sauce?" The choices were plenty.

While we waited for our food, we talked about college mascots. I told him how goofy the Nebraska mascot is... a big, dorky, inflated, cornhusker kid with a sideways cap. Brian said the Ohio State mascot is pretty goofy, too, but at least the buckeye candies are good.

The food arrived, and it was yummy and filling. The corn tortillas are fantastic, and I don't usually like corn tortillas. They're homemade and thick.

The bill arrived and there was a problem. Brian had asked for fajita meat on his chalupa, and the waitress told him it would be an extra charge, and he was okay with that. But the bill had two extra charges: Add picadillo 1.79 and add fajita $4.99. It seemed it cost $7 to upgrade a chalupa to fajita meat. We were about to call the Guinness Book of World Records people for the costliest chalupa upgrade, but the waitress reviewed the bill and with a cute grin told us she must have pressed the wrong button. She offered us separate checks when she went to fix the bill, and we always appreciate that.

While we were waiting for her to press the right button, Brian pondered a business opportunity for an upscale chalupa restaurant where the chalupas range from $7 - $30. We could serve a variety of things on chalupas like escargot (snails!) or foie gras (fatty goose or duck liver). We're not sure the world is ready for that yet.

• We went to Cantina Laredo and did NOT get guacamole made right at our table.
• A piece of chicken from Brian's chimichanga tried to escape from his mouth, but only made it as far as his lip before his reptilian tongue reeled it back in.
• I poked a hole in my chin with my thumb nail gesticulating. (That means I injured myself talking with my hands.)
• Brian was rubbing his foot on the bottom of the table leg until he found out it was really my foot. I thought he was playing footsie.
• As we were leaving, Brian couldn't take his eyes off a man with a salt and pepper wannabe fauxhawk and walked smack into a guy entering the restaurant.
• I was deep in conversation with Brian when the waiter asked, "How was your lunch?" I started to answer, but then I realized we hadn't been served yet, so my reply was, "Uhhh... wait... what?" He asked again, "How was your lunch?" I said, "We haven't gotten it yet." The waiter said with a smirk, "I know. It'll be right out." Huh?
• Derrick, another waiter, has a cowlick.
• Feliz Navidad was playing over the sound system. Christmas comes so early now, I'm going to write a song. It'll start, "On the 45th day of Christmas, Brian gave to me, footsie under the table."

We delighted in our first opportunity to park using what Brian calls a "P" box, which sounds like a relief station for the homeless, but is really a solar powered parking sticker dispenser.

There were guys out front painting the awning purple and gold. Throw in a darker green, and it would have looked like Taiwanese Mardi Gras.

We made our way inside without walking under a ladder to find what Brian called Taiwanese hip hop playing over the sound system.

I ordered pepper steak with rice, egg in blanket and a watermelon bubble drink. The tapioca pearls (bubbles) were still cooking, so they offered to put pudding or gelatin in my drink. I told them I'd wait for the bubbles. Brian ordered fried chicken and rice and was going to order a bubble drink, but didn't want to wait or have pudding or gelatin in his drink.

They have free soup! You have to serve yourself, so I didn't realize it was there at first. Brian is a seasoned Coco's patron and let me in on the secret.

The egg in blanket came out first, and it was wonderful. It was served with soy sauce. I accused Brian of putting my soup spoon in the soy sauce, but then I found my spoon hiding under the edge of my plate. I apologized to Brian. I have a bad habit of accusing people of taking my things. When my scissors go missing at work, I accuse everyone around me of stealing them, but then I find them in one of my drawers later.

They have good chopsticks at Coco's. They are smooth, wooden ones. Not the splintery kind they have at Panda Express, and not the plastic, slippery kind they have at P.F. Chang's.

When our food came, we found ourselves listening to a Taiwanese version of the Pet Shop Boys. I didn't like my pepper steak. It was gelatinous in a way that pleased Brian, but not me. Brian's fried chicken was quite good.

My watermelon bubble drink came later. I always think bubble drinks are going to be delicious and fun, but then I get tired of dealing with the tapioca balls before they're even half gone.

The cup had a very wise suggestion that I abide by to this day: Don't eat children under 5.

Children under 5 not suggest to eat